The Wonky Bird Theory of Love

Last year a friend and I went to a wonky bird workshop.

The brief was simple. Make a bird. Make it wonky.

I took that brief very seriously.

By the end of the class everyone else had made something that looked vaguely bird-like. Recognizable. Charming in a crafty sort of way.

Mine looked like nothing anyone had ever seen before. Hot pink. Green mohawk. Googly eyes. Wire feet that could generously be described as artistic. Nobody else in the class made anything remotely like it. By the end everyone else wanted feathers too.

I have been looking at these two birds ever since.

My friend's bird is dark and round and quietly dignified. Mine is chaotic and colourful and completely committed to its own vision. It took shape in a very organic way. Almost as if its own vision for coming to life which I let happen. Seeing them sitting side by side the day they were made, and in the photo we took, showed how completely right they are together.

That is the thing about my friend and me. We have known each other for years. We have sat together through laughter and tears and everything in between. We are different people with different energy, different style, different aesthetic and none of that has ever mattered for a single moment.

We belong in the same room as each other. That has always been enough.

For others that isn’t always enough. They need to define who would be right for them.

This creates the checklist problem as I call it.

When people come to Wayward Hearts they almost always arrive with a list.

Height. Hair. Career/goals. Body type. Chemistry. The precise physical and lifestyle specifications of the person they have decided is right for them before they have ever met them.

I understand where the list comes from. It comes from hope and from hurt and from the very human desire to feel like you have some control over something as unpredictable as love.

But here is what I have noticed after working with people who are genuinely ready for real connection.

The list is almost never about what they actually need. It is about what they think will make them feel safe. What they think will prevent them from getting hurt again. What they have convinced themselves is the solution to something the list was never actually going to solve.

And the person who could have changed everything? They were standing right there. Different energy. Different style. Maybe even a completely different aesthetic than what was on the list.

But they were the right bird to make a pair.

What we lose when we only look at the list

I grew up on a farm in Rustico. I have lived in Paris and Botswana. I have worked alongside politicians and military strategists and public servants from every corner of this country.

The most extraordinary people in my life, the ones who have shaped me, challenged me, made me laugh until I could not breathe, almost none of them looked like what I would have put on a list.

When we limit ourselves to how someone looks or behaves before we even know them we are closing doors on people who could become irreplaceable. Not just romantically. As friends. As colleagues. As the person who shows up when everything falls apart.

We are losing extraordinary opportunities to find our people.

What I look for on your behalf?

My job is not to find you the person who fits your checklist.

My job is to find you the person who belongs in the same room as you.

The one who is happy to sit next to you no matter what life brings. Who makes you feel right just by being there. Who you would never have chosen from a description alone but who turns out to be exactly what you needed.

Sometimes that person looks nothing like what you had in mind. Different bird entirely.

But there they are. Right next to you. Completely right.

Trust the matchmaker. 💙 Join the Date-a-Base